Happy, Or: Whatever…

wrote down the
words
that state 
in fact
i feel
that I get older every year
just like that fucking birdfeeder
in the backyard
weathered wood turning silver
in the blazing sun and dripping rain
barely a touch
of the auburn highlights 
that used to adorn it
golden whatever it is
and years of life shitting 
on the roofline
the  nightfall bright
glean of halcyon
on the edge of a 
dauntingly rusty razor
shadowboxing
the reaper
i stand here
soaked in
so dark at night now
so bright in day
the only relieving balm is the sunsets
in golden hues of salvation
and also still you
your smile
i would pleasantly 
drown in
gladly
unlike 
in the summer
thunder
safe and
happy again
if only 
allowed
for
now
whatever
it
is