to your torture and your joy

 to your torture and your joy

tonight 

i’d love to fuck the hell 

out of your lip bitten memory

you writhing with the mares of night 

on the sweaty bed sheets dreamy

the mustang running wild

but chasing only passion

or running from fear or 

a wide eyed distraction

ages ago 

in that sticky old apartment 

the room with dusty glow 

where you held me

in a panic to save you from

the dark 

the dark 

that crept in slowly 

you feared might steal your spark

and it’s been years now since I knew you

and I wonder how you’ve done 

in your quest to live forever 

and keep your heart out on the run 

I remember how you 

gazed up through your eyes

and from your soul. 

bare backed and hair swept back

barreling from the pole

position…

I laid strewn amongst your 

favorite things 

as a treasure or a toy 

Karma clawing at my back 

for all that I enjoyed 

the glisten in your playful eye 

the devil in your smile, 

your long arms wrapped around me 

the harlot loved so well to hide

you beguiled wildly

and to watch you as you preemed yourself 

readying for bed 

to wait with bated

breath in darkness aching

for the head 

for the way you crawl up to me 

and our bodies lay so sweet 

for the way you challenged me always 

for the ways you warmed your frozen feet 

you hid underneath the covers 

your face upon my arm

it was a game of spy craft 

like allies in the dark, 

but I watched you careful waiting 

for a sign to disembark 

you were a challenge. 

You were a lesson. 

You were everything to me 

you were broken 

you were haunted. 

You were bound to make me bleed

your bloodlust was a weapon 

you engaged with in the dark 

I bashed myself on your sharp corners 

in the trenches

in the stark, 

you were a masterful stiletto.

and I was just your heel

worshiping your long legs

every touch a breath to steal

and feel you draw me deep inside you 

A fly trap, though indeed, 

sex of silky velvet jaws 

closing in on me

lined with sultry poison sinking into sleep

I was the willing prey

you laid your trap for me, 

and I couldn’t get away 

something deep in those blue eyes 

and the way I held your hair 

and pulled until you were untied

and the way you loved

and drank me up

as if I wasn’t there

as if i wasn’t crouching

in the  corner just to stare

fucking was an exorcism 

you executed in the dark

You were the fatal femme 

the trigger man 

I was just your mark

you used me up and left me

discarded where I came

you crawled up through the bedsheets

and made me cry your name 

I’d love to fuck you there in memory

hold you in the dark

and tear your heart back open

to review the parts within so dark

and bleed in lies and teardrops

from the shallow of blue eyes

that whisper low ,’it’s over’

and let’s the whole thing die

now life is a winding River

wears the sharpness from the rock

where I sit with it and ponder

slowly taking broken stock

and there are certain shining moments

that are brighter than the sun

sweeter than moonlight dancing

in better buzz than all of the rum,

but you’ll never catch me back there

cause some things should die in time.

Thank you for the lessons. 

Thank you for the time

I flipped back through this chapter

with desire to feel again

the sharpened scary corners

to draw blood and marrow again.

I’ll softly drift to sleep now

among these river stones

the soothing sound of time

now gentle on these weary bones

I’m never to go back there

I wish you well with love, your toy

call this a bondage broken

here’s to the times of tortured joy…

.breathing

.breathing

and as she lies darkly breathing

to the rumble of the fan

and here i lie

alone in whisper

the shadow of

the man

staring through 

darkness at ceiling

she murmurs and moans 

while dreaming

a toss

a turn

and back to rest

it seems in jest

as i am climbing up the walls

and ravaged by the 

tempest

the storm raging

in my heart

the wolves that howl in distance,

the monsters neath the bed

like the man tied

under pendulum 

in one of Poe’s dark visions read

a broken soul for fixing

but there’s no mercy here

this time

just the long and lonely

rolling

to the inevitable

end of the line

where the reaper 

stands with sickle

smirking,

“hope you enjoyed the ride”

but less these days

i must confess

i burn for her inside

turning toward the breather

who shifts her weight and sighs

you recoil from me

lately

maybe more than i recall

you had done along

our history

and the reason is a mystery

so i retreat into my lonely

in this room as cold as fuck

i add my blanket on her

to keep her warm with any luck

and crawl into my clothing

left on floor just hours before

and slink down to the basement

Where i am warmed by fire once more

to sit with cat

upon my lap

quite happy with my touch

who purrs away the heartache

of a soul

that feels 

too

much